This is where my heart is.

Keep it safe?

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neverxwill
i have tummy ache. i miss joe. i want to hug him. and i want to hold me when i go to sleep. i want to kiss him. i want him to be there when i fall asleep, and when i wake up. i want him.

gosh i'm so sad.


(no subject)
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neverxwill
today was good. last night night, too. i got a new skirt and a new top, it was good. didn't find a boyfriend though, ROFL.

i love you niamhie
x

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neverxwill
scouts was amazing. we made christmas things, that was alright. but the fact aidan actually turned up. nom nom nom. it was so funny. he put his leg next to mine, and it was like, yeah. and he looked at me, and i smiled, and he left his leg there. then he kept like, patting my arm, and being all touchy feely. he also thinks i have a boyfriend, and kept taking the mick, and i played along and went, i think i'm gonna break up with him, and he went, oh good. and i was like.. what? and he went, WHAT? nomnomnom. i like aidan. christmas boyfriend? i think so(L).

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neverxwill
i don't know why i'm writing on here again, i keep switching between this and http://forgetyourscars.blogspot.com/ so i guess that should fill in all the gaps. not many though, people i'm not too close to have that blog, not the kind i wish would care, they are the kind of people i wouldn't think of as friends, really. niamh's coming round tomorrow.

I’m breathless and disconnected.
Take me home so far away from here.
Take me slow I can’t stand one more year.
Take my breath away, wake me up today, I will return for you.


Now I’ve seen the world through eyes of bitter hate and lies and now I can’t stand what I have become.
Was there something I missed?
Can you replay this kiss?
And the ghost sought by my side.

breathless-aiden

i love that song. niamh's coming round tomorrow, we're going to meet James. She really likes him. I wish i could get a boyfriend, meet a nice guy, fall in love. It sounds so soppy, but i guess that's what every teenager wants. Why do i have to be so grown up? And not look at myself as a kid, look at myself as if i'm the king of the world, like every other teenager.


Leave me out with the waste
This is not what I'd do
It's the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It's the wrong time
For somebody new
It's a small crime
And I've got no excuse

nine crimes-damien rice

i had my counsellor today, we spoke about how music helps me a lot. when i'm feeling horrible, i listen to music. we talked about how i have an interest in peoples lives. not a nosey interest, but i want to see how they work. i want to know more about the person, and the events that have made them who they are today. which i guess, is why i'm incredibly interested in eminem, and why i read alot of books in the first person. i don't really like the ones narrated in the third person. we spoke about me cutting, it's the first time i've opened up to her about that. it was hard, and i had to choke back my tears. i didn't tell her about how i sometimes think about doing it again, because she'd tell someone. and i just didn't think it was important.

the bus journey home was good, school was terrible, i felt really alone today. i don't know why. i just did. anyway, the bus. i was talking to Jack, and he made me laugh so hard i cried, everyone was laughing at me going bright pink and the fact i look terrible when i smile nowadays. well, i think that's what they were laughing at. they were most deffinately laughing at me. he laughed as much as me too. it was amazing to feel that happy, and to laugh so hard about nothing. i don't really know Jack, i've only met him about 4 or 5 times. he was simon's friend, i guess. but we became friendly enough, and yeah. i'd say thankyou to him, but he'd think i was crazy. mmmm. he said he'd try and get the bus on monday, looking forward to it! :)

scouts tonight, it should be amazing if aiden goes. we fight alot, and he's a cocky little shit, but i'm growing to like him. i can't promise anything written on this for a while, but my counsellor said letting something out somewhere will help.


i love you niamhie, this weekend will be awesome.

(no subject)
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neverxwill


natasha eleanor wilson
i don't know where i stand with you. it's a little bit fucked up really. you can make me feel an inch small, or a thousand feet high.

emily wolstencroft
i love you, i just never make time for you.

joseph aiden mcgee

i love you, i really do. i just can't do it.

hope cooper
so many unforfilled promises, so many lies. gosh, you fucked me up real bad.




i can't explain anything. that didn't explain much. i hope you can make sense of it, neave.
x

(no subject)
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neverxwill
would you like an update? do you really want a fucking update? my best friend's leaving me. Hope fucking Cooper is leaving me. She says she won't forget about me, but she will. I know she will. I'm hoping she won't.. and okay, she might not forget about me, we may still be friends, but when she moves, i don't think things will ever be the same.

i've been through 40 ciggarettes since last friday. a week and 2 days now, i guess. mhmm.. i'm fucked. i'm hoping i smoke so much, i get lung cancer, and die. everyone keeps yelling at me to stop, but i can't. the only reason i'm up now is because i'm fucking craving one. omgg. :( I NEED ONE SO BAD.

alex asked me out, i said yes. adam asked if i was cheating on him even though we weren't going out, and joe told me goodbye because i wouldn't date him. i broke up with alex and things are fixed with the other two. so i guess it's all good.

CIGARETTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.

ONEEEEEEEEEEE.

NOWW.

(no subject)
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neverxwill
i hate amber. i hate you being with her. you gave me a book to read.. just after amber handed it you back. i will not read that book. i will not be second best again.

(no subject)
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neverxwill
according to Hope, they're not best friends. but they are dating.

(no subject)
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neverxwill
i've been to school since i last posted. There was an incident with Hope and Amber, and just  before.. I turned to Hope and said with genuine tears in my voice.. ''I only have you, don't I?'' and she said to me.. ''I only have you and Amber.'' My heart sunk a little. I only really have my best friend, and she has me and.. her best friend. Yeah, that's right. Hope and Amber's little incident, was about Amber not wanting to be Hope's bestfriend anymore, because of some stupid fuck reason. She wrote Hope a letter, and Hope ran into Physics crying, and i ran out the room with her, and she let me read the letter. I didn't bother asking for an explaination. Deep down i've always known that they've been best friends. They tell eachother everything. I tell Hope everything, she tells me nothing, etc. After she got over the initial shock of it, she said she'd tell me everything, and be a better friend. But then at lunch, she ran away from me. And i went to the toilet, cried a little then moved onto the library. Where i tried to hold it in, but couldn't. Maryam was there. She just.. sort of watched me cry silently. And when i stopped, Chloe approached. Then she asked me if i was okay? and why i looked like i'd been crying. I said no, no i'm fine. and i haven't been crying. Chloe didn't believe me. So i asked Maryam, and she kept quiet. 
  After lunch, Hope sat next to me in form, and someone asked her if she was okay, and she said 'no :D' and then stopped talking, until she turned to me and asked if i was pissed with her, and of course, i smiled sweetly and said no, of course not. I will not let her hurt me like this. Even though, i'm sure it's too late. She's cut me up, but i'm still here.

(no subject)
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neverxwill
first day back.

nightmare..

i saw Hope.

i've missed her so much.

picture day tomorrow.

bleh.
;(

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